Peter Pan Grows up!
We know this kid: the frenetically hyperactive class clown, the kid for whom an ADHD diagnosis is a no-brainer. Bob’s qualification for entry to the ranks of those with ADHD was matched by his disdain for the condition. He refused his meds, was dragged to specialists. There was precious little that would help him sit still.
Bob didn’t know he was a ‘Peter Pan’ in the making. After all, his parents were accomplished professionals. His brother was studious and he, himself, was ambitious. Yet, the looming question: how would Bob actualize himself? He was a professional procrastinator, by his own definition. In Grade 8, though, he thought he found his cure.
We all have certain memories that are indelible. For Bob, one that stands out: his first sip of beer. Another: his first use of marijuana. Both substances helped slow his thoughts and noticeably ameliorated his anxiety. Now he had a path. Grade 8, then, was the beginning of his downward spiral.
Bob finished school and got a job. In the meantime, his peers were breaking full stride: getting married, having kids, climbing the ladder of success. He, in contrast, was maintaining the status quo: getting by at work, chasing girls, fixating on instant gratification, prioritizing getting high.
Twenty years goes by quickly. Bob realized his lifestyle was a problem. “I was getting old and basically was an immature adult.” As we know, people don’t tend to maintain their current level, indefinitely. As the saying goes, “you’re either going up or you’re going down.” The descent was coming. Bob was depressed and anxious. Alcohol helped him function.
The drama unfolded: 3 DUIs, two injuries, 2 five-day stints in the hospital with pancreatitis, three rehab admissions, three suicide wards and many detox attempts. Everything was tried, no holds barred. His parents were desperate. Nothing was working.
Bob tells us, “In December 2019, I had burned almost all my bridges. I left a detox facility, had no job.” He found a halfway house where he could live. He was attending AA meetings. He was reading the Bible. He was hoping something would ‘take’, that he would find some sort of anchor. One quote that he had encountered when he was in rehab really spoke to him: “life is a beautiful struggle.” Bob was browsing for inspiration. When he came across a lecture by Jordan Peterson called, “Life is Suffering,” Bob was reminded of that quote.
The lecture provided the proverbial turning point. The ideas he heard: common sense but compelling. Bob started tuning in to Peterson. He listened to talks about depression and anxiety, on why people become addicts, on what to do about it.
The next step: “12 Rules for Life.” Still in a halfway house, living alongside criminals and addicts, Bob had never been the guy who had the patience to sit and read. Now, he poured over Peterson’s book . . . and the Bible. He began going to church.
Bob lived at that halfway house for a year. He tells us, “during that time I got my life back together. I rekindled the relationship with my girlfriend whom I had almost lost due to my drinking and then had my first child, went back to school, got my first license in the medical field.” Bob has been sober since December 2019. He now feels in relationship with his Creator. And he has landed a new job, working for a surgeon. Things are coming together.
Part of Bob’s recovery was being able to understand where he ‘was at’ in terms of his own life. Bob reflects, “I think Jordan Peterson’s videos, books, etc. helped me realize: I was an immature adult with no direction.” Relative to caring for himself or those around him, Bob was an invalid. He now reflects, “I guess I found Peterson at the right time. I started taking responsibility for myself and my actions. I realized I could start making small doable goals. His advice has been such a blessing for me and the people around me. My fiancé now listens to the lectures as well as my nine-year-old stepson.”
Bob has made many shifts: “I write in a daily journal. I read more. I communicate better and have a more honest relationship with my fiancé.” Bob read many of the books that Peterson recommends, enjoyed Peterson’s Biblical series and is struggling through Peterson’s two other books.
Peterson speaks extensively about the ‘Peter Pan phenomenon,’ whereupon young or not-so-young men fail to actualize and fail to launch. Perhaps you have heard Peterson unpacking the metaphors and meanings embedded within that popular children’s story.
I’ve written this story up, though, because the most important idea is the one Peterson may not tell you: kitchen table wisdom is helping some real life Peter Pan’s leave Never Neverland once and for all. Bob is not the only desperate soul who has found his way with Peterson’s help. And for all the people we know who have been felled by terrible addictions, Bob might point them to Peterson’s opus while otherwise offering simple instruction:
It’s both that easy, and that hard.
